Great? Expectations . . .

He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? 

~Micah 6:8

Today I woke up quite early and was unable to go back to sleep.  By “quite early” I mean before 7am.  For me that’s really something.   Rather than lay there and worry, I got up shortly after 7am and began the day.  As sometimes happens when I get up early, I find myself getting things done that I can’t usually do.  I did most of Noah’s morning routine with my own spin on it – reading aloud to him, and playing/singing hymns. (There was also feeding, playing, dressing etc - O how I wish I could do it everyday!)  I got beans in the Crockpot for dinner (not hard, but quite the accomplishment for me), and I made tomato bruschetta.  The bruschetta is marinating, although I’m not quite done tweaking it yet.  This is more than I usually do all day.  Go figure.

Whenever I have days like this I become reacquainted with a part of myself that I often forget about.  This is good and bad.  Suddenly I’m bombarding my husband with ideas like "we should go here and do this thing," “we should get together with so and so” or “let’s plan a big get together at house on this day.  I’ll make a big meal.”  All wonderful ideas, but is it possible?  We’ll see.  Days like this are bittersweet.  Sweet because while I am able to do more than usual, and I’m pretty excited about planning things.  Bitter because I may not be able to follow through with those plans, and I get a glimpse of what I would be like if I was healthy.  How active, social, and “complete” I would be.  When I say “complete” it means complete in what I think I should be.  The kind of wife, mother and friend I expect myself to be.  And there’s that wrong thinking again.  I fight it everyday of my life – the good days and the bad.  While my expectations may sometimes be good motivators, more often than not, they are a weight around neck, whispering lies in my ear.  I fail in my own expectations because I expect wrongly.  I should be looking at what God expects from me.  While I don’t always recognize it right away, God does not hide his expectations from me.  His will is never beyond my sight.  Doing my best everyday, no matter how little it seems, is enough.  Loving those around me.  Serving God with my whole heart.

This is a good thing for me to remember as things are about to get rough for us.  I can see the desert up ahead.  I’m so glad that I don’t have to go through it alone.