For the forseeable future - NO!

I bang a drum pretty regularly.  I say "don't complain!"  The reason I do this is that I regularly want to complain.  So I have to regularly tell myself not to.  I know it gets old.  I also am starting to realize that some people think that if I'm not complaining, I must be fine.  I am NOT fine.  I have fibromyalgia, every day, all the time and it sucks.  That's just life.  I rarely cook, I don't clean, it's a good day if I can read a book to my children.  Just because I'm not complaining, that doesn't mean I'm all good and you can ask me for a favor.  I don't want to sound selfish, but NO.  See what happens is this - You ask me for a favor (which you think is really minor because you are a healthy person), and now I am in conflict.  I don't want to say no. I care about you, I want to help.  That means giving energy I don't have to do something just because you asked.  I can't say no without overwhelming guilt and frustration.  Overwhelming guilt and frustration can cause a flare in my symptoms.  That's not you, it's me.  I don't deal with conflict and stress well, which is probably what triggered my fibromyalgia in the first place.  Like I said I don't want to sound selfish, and I'm certainly not singling anyone out because, you know who I have the hardest time saying "no" to?  Myself.  My crazy expectations, which include your favor.  I'm your friend, so I expect to be able to help you with whatever little thing you need.  Good expectation, but wrong for me.

So here's the deal - don't ask and I won't have to say no.  Right now things are especially bad, so maybe instead of asking me for a favor, you could do something for me.  Or someone else who has a real need.  Don't ask my husband either.  He takes care of all of us and works.  He won't say no.  It will cause stress in his home.  Seriously.  He's a nice guy, but he has a million things to do.  Maybe you could offer to do him a favor.  It's another drum I bang on - surely you know someone who is sick, elderly, overwhelmed, pregnant etc. . . who could use a blessing.  Bake some cookies, make a meal, give a gift card, or just send a note of encouragement.  Small things sometimes mean the most.  Yes, that was a rabbit trail. 

Please don't ask me for a favor. There is one major exception.  No matter what time day or night, happy or sad, big or small, I will pray for you.  Not because it requires nothing (it actually requires quite a bit of mental energy and focus), but prayer is one of the thing to which I will gladly surrender my meager energy.  It's good for me, it's good for you, and may God be glorified.

One last thing - if you ask me to do something and I manage to say "no," please realize it's because I care about you.  Taxing myself for someone else's favor causes resentment and frustration.  It damages the relationship.  So, my refusing is actually a loving choice.  I know it doesn't "feel" true, but it is.  At least that's what I keep telling myself.

My fibromyalgia won't always be this bad.  I go through times when I can do more than I'm doing right now.  Of course, I always hope my doctor will come up with something miraculous.  But for now, it's really bad.  I always learn something during this time, and this time I may just have to learn how to say "No."