God's Gifts

Aria is now FOUR months old!  I can hardly believe it.  She is a happy, healthy baby.  The first three months we dealt with a lot of fussiness and gas issues, but she's seems to have outgrown that now.  Thank you all for your prayers.  I believe with all my heart that those prayers were heard and answered.

During the time that Aria was in the NICU, Derek changed real estate brokerages.  It's a lot like a job change.  He's doing the same job (real estate agent) but for a difference brokerage (Keller-Williams).  The way he works now is so different that it's like a different job.  His business has grown A LOT.  It's a funny thing with me being so very sick and now having two kids.  We needed to hire someone to help, but we couldn't afford it.  As long as Derek was having to take care of the kids and work, he couldn't work enough to increase our income enough to afford to hire someone to help.  Vicious circle.  By God's grace, Derek's business increased so much with the change that we were able to hire a nanny at the beginning of the year.  We have been praying for so long that God would make it possible for us to hire someone to help.  I still don't fully understand it all, but God did it.  It's only by His grace.  Not only did we hire someone, but God gave us someone that we already knew and trusted.  I'm so relieved.  My children are VERY well looked after.  Laura, our nanny, has a gift for working with small children and an incredible heart for helping others.  We are very grateful for her.

Now that we're up to speed let me tell you about my day today.  I was awake and feeling very bad until around 4am.  When I woke up early this afternoon I was convinced I wouldn't be able to get out of bed.  For several weeks (actually much longer) I have had the same difficulty when first waking up.  Each time I wonder if I will have to spend the day in bed.  Often I lay there for an hour "talking" myself into getting out of bed.  You know what helps me?  I want to see my children.  Noah is so excited to see me when I drag myself across the house to his room that I look forward to that moment everyday.  Today an hour passed and I still couldn't get up.  I thought of coffee, my children, and food (yuck), but the pain was too much.  I didn't want to move.  Fortunately, Derek was still home and just getting ready to leave, so he was in and out of our of the bedroom.  Even though Noah had just gone down for a nap, I asked Derek to bring him in to see me.  I had resigned to the pain and fatigue, so if I was going to see Noah he was going to have to come to me.  Or, if I was going to somehow muster the determination to get up, my little ray of sunshine and joy would have to help me.  He wasn't sleeping, so Derek brought him to me.  "Mommy! Mommy!"  He was soooooo happy to see me.  Hugs and kisses, and then, "gup!  gup!"  He started gesturing for me to get out of bed. "Mommy, gup!"  I still didn't think I could move out of bed.  I started to explain.  "Mommy, gup!  Mommy, down!"  (Because "gup" hadn't worked, he thought I'd understand "down").  He ran back and forth around the bed a couple of times. "Mommy, gup!"  By now he was trying to pull the covers off of me.  "Mommy, sit dere."  This means he wants to sit with me in my chair.  Then he grabbed my hand and started pulling.  "Mommy, shair."  He wants to lead me to my chair.  Finally, I mustered the strength.  How could I resist that sweet little face?  All he wanted was for his Mommy to "gup"  and "sit dere" in her "shair" with him.  I got up, changed my clothes, and started to get ready.  My little ray of sunshine was with me.  I washed my face, he asked me to wash his face.  He told me to comb my hair next and so on.  Once we were basically groomed, or so I thought, he asked for lotion.  Apparently, the last thing you are suppose to do when getting ready is apply lotion.   I suspect he remembers this from Grandmother's last visit. :)  We put lotion on our hands and "sat dere."

If I had felt that bad three years ago, I would have stayed in bed.  Praise God for giving me what I needed to keep going today!  I actually got a few things accomplished.  I played with Aria and made her laugh.  I cuddled Noah when he woke up crying from his nap.  Loved, cuddled, and made Aria laugh some more.  I made dinner and did a few other very small miscellaneous tasks.  At the end of the day it doesn't seem like much, but it's a whole lot more than if I had stayed in bed.  God is good to me.  He has blessed me richly.

And still we wait . . .

Thought I should update on the pregnancy/labor situation . . .

To Induce or Not to Induce - That's the Question

Over a week ago I started having labor contractions.  Although they weren't unbearable, after a couple of days I was concerned so we called my doctor and he recommended I go into the hospital and get checked out.  It was determined that I was in the early stages of labor, but not close enough to stay.  They sent me home with the expectation that I would be back within a couple of days.  It's been a week.  The contractions have increased in frequency and pain, but not to the point where I could go back to the hospital.  It's really quite maddening.  These contractions don't let me sleep more than a few hours at a time and make it impossible to get much else done.  We have spent the last week in a holding pattern.  Just waiting.  Derek is still working, but limitedly because he can't leave me for long and I can do nothing to care for Noah at this point.

It has been recommended that we induce labor on Thursday (39 weeks) because of the gestational diabetes.  This is a general recommendation with gestational diabetes because the baby may get too big and that increases the chances of an instrumented birth (forceps, vacuum) or c-section.  My doctor, however, is not pushing me either way.  We didn't even talk about inducing early with Noah.  I like my doctor because he's laid back and will not push me in a way I'm uncomfortable with.  The choice is up to Derek and I to either keep waiting or go in for a scheduled induction on Thursday.  We are leaning toward waiting, yet, I'm quite tired already.  Please pray we have wisdom in making this decision and/or that the baby will come on her own today or tomorrow.  My doctor is going to call us today before he leaves his office for our decision.

Please also pray we can get enough rest.  For some reason, Derek is also exhausted.  He seems to be getting enough sleep, but never feels like it's enough.  He really needs to be at his best for this whole thing.

Either way it works out, I am really looking forward to holding my daughter in my arms.  I'm so ready to see her little face.

Noah is Turning 2!

In other news, tomorrow is Noah's second birthday.  While we won't be celebrating until sometime later, I'm excited that my little man is turning two.  I can't believe how quickly the two years have gone.  Right now he's talking up a storm and repeating everything we say.  Today we are teaching him the words "John Wayne,"  since we are watching a John Wayne movie.  We have a good friend who loves John Wayne.  So I'm hoping that once Noah has this down, we can take him over to see her and he can correctly identify all the pictures on her wall.  She would be thrilled!  Grandpa would be pretty happy as well.  What can I say?  My son is an American, and there are certain things he know - flag, pie, football, John Wayne etc . . .  Currently his favorite word is "motorcycle."  He sees them everywhere!  He is really all about the vehicles - car, truck, motorcycle etc . . .  Nice to see my Dad's side of the family making itself known because he certainly didn't get this from Derek. :)  Sometimes Noah compulsively puts things away and throws things in the trash.  THAT he gets from Derek.  He must.  He doesn't get it from me!

So we wait for Jellybean.  Every night (or early morning) I go to bed thinking "it'll be tonight."  Every morning (or afternoon) I wake up surprised at the time, and that we didn't have to go to the hospital.  I'm thinking of changing her name to Patience, cuz I need a little Patience. :)

Keep Looking UP

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.  ~John 10:10

As I open the top of the prescription pill bottle, count the contents and try to decide - one or two? - a thought strikes me.  This is no life.  Most people take an OTC pill, what, once a week?  A couple times a month?  For a headache, backache, or muscle strain after over doing a work out.  Not me.  I take, on average, 3 prescription pain pills a day.  For a minute or two the thought "this is no life" consumes me.  Even with these pain meds, I barely function.  This is no life.

Then I hear a voice, I believe it is the voice of a much younger me reciting a verse for Awana, or Sunday School or Bible Camp.  It could also be the voice of one or many preachers I have heard.  The voice is reading the words written on my heart so long ago "I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly."

There have been several times in my life that I have come to realization (usually to correct my own wrong thinking), that God did not put us here, Jesus did not redeem us with His own precious blood that we may just live.  God gave us life to live with joy.  When the monster steals my focus, I miss out on the joy of that moment or hour or day.  But when I look away from the monster and look up I see all the God has given me.  He is generous and kind.  I have much more than I deserve and, sadly, much more than I thank Him for on regular basis.  God has not just given us life (although that would be more than enough!).  He has given us an abundant life - joyous, victorious and free.

I remember a time of struggling in college.  I don't remember what the issue was, but I called home for the comfort and help that parents can give.  I remember my dad asking me if I ever watched runners.  Like Olympic runners.  Of course, everyone has seen competitive runners.  He said, "What happens if a runner looks down at his feet while he's running in a race?"  He would trip and fall.  Life is like that.  We are running a race, pressing on toward the high calling.  If we look down at our feet we are going to  trip, fall or at the very least get off course.  We've got to keep our eyes on the goal.  My goal is my Savior.  Someday the pain of this life will have passed and I will spend eternity in the light of the Son.  A taste of that joy can be found here if we keep our eyes focused on Him.  That's what I need to remember when I'm counting pain meds.  When I'm wondering if it's too soon to take another one.  When Sunday comes again and I am home alone and overwhelmingly discouraged.  When I can't pick up my son and comfort him.  When I have to count my pain meds I should count my blessings.  The Lord has given me a wonderful family.  A beautiful, happy, healthy son.  A healthy daughter on the way.  A husband that is patient and self sacrificing.  A church family that shows me Christs love and compassion.  Friends that stick with me even though I am a really hard person to be friends with.  The list goes on and on.  Those pain meds I worry about, ration and count are just for this life.  In heaven I won't need them.  In heaven I won't ever have to think about them.  What a blessing.

Since first writing the above a few days ago, the flood has threatened to overwhelm me.  I have felt as though I were drowning and alone.  The fiercer the storm, the greater the temptation to look down at my feet.  Life's problems always seem biggest when we are focusing on them.  Yet, if we focus on God the problems seem so much smaller.  I'm not there yet, but I'm working on it.  I'm am still tempted to try and wade through the torrent on my own - trying to find the solution on my own.  Oh the strength and energy I am wasting!  So, I am spending today redirecting my focus.  Letting God's Word wash over me.  Listening to music that will comfort me and help redirect my focus.

This is what's playing at my house today.  The verse in bold is especially encouraging to me, although I love the entire song.

In Christ Alone

by Keith Getty & Stuart Townend

IN CHRIST ALONE my hope is found,He is my light, my strength, my song;This Cornerstone, this solid Ground,Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.What heights of love, what depths of peace,When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!My Comforter, my All in All,

Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! – who took on flesh,Fullness of God in helpless babe!This gift of love and righteousness,Scorned by the ones He came to save:Till on that cross as Jesus died,The wrath of God was satisfied –For every sin on Him was laid;

Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,Light of the world by darkness slain:Then bursting forth in glorious DayUp from the grave He rose again!And as He stands in victorySin’s curse has lost its grip on me,For I am His and He is mine –

Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,This is the power of Christ in me;From life’s first cry to final breath,Jesus commands my destiny.No power of hell, no scheme of man,Can ever pluck me from His hand;Till He returns or calls me home,

Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand!

CCLI Song # 3350395, © 2001 Thankyou Music (Admin. by EMI Christian Music Publishing)