Oh How I Wanted to Complain!

Psalm 100

(A psalm.  For giving thanks.)

¹Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all ye lands.

²Serve the LORD with gladness: come before his presence with singing.

³Know ye that the LORD he is God:

      it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves;

      we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.

⁴Enter into his gates with thanksgiving,

      and into his courts with praise:

      be thankful unto him, and bless his name.

⁵For the LORD is good;

      his mercy is everlasting;

      and his truth endureth to all generations.

My fibromyalgia almost got the best of me today*.  Not physically - it gets the best of me physically everyday.  Today it almost got me, mentally.  Sometimes it seems like little things building up.  Lately, my sleep schedule has been unusually bad, which means I end up sleeping during the day.  So spend nights sitting alone, and days mostly sleeping when I want to be with my family.  The other day, I got up mid-morning, I think.  Derek had gotten up very early with Aria.  So pretty soon, he wanted to take a nap.  Noah, after not taking naps for MONTHS, has recently starting taking naps again.  Which is wonderful, but on this day, I got up, and an hour or so later everyone else in the house took a nap.  The next day I had a terrible nightmare (the worst of many lately, and is it a nightmare during the day?), and I desperately wanted to hug Noah when I woke up.   He was taking a nap.  Several days, I got up and the kids were sleeping.  Pretty soon I realized that I'm just not seeing enough of them.  Derek is quite busy with work, which is great, but I'm not seeing much of him either.

Today was Derek's day off.  When I finally got up (after noon), he reminded me that we had an appointment that afternoon.  I felt TERRIBLE, there was no way I could go, but the kids needed to be there.  So I helped the kids get dressed, and before I could even have a cup of coffee I watched my whole family leave without me.  Oh how I wanted to complain!  There's no way to fix it.  There are things that have to be done.  Other people still have to live life.  But I wanted to complain to someone.  I struggled, and I almost gave in.  My first instinct is to post something on Facebook.  Fortunately, I have a personal rule about not using Facebook to complain.  This was enough to make me pause and regroup.  Teeth gritted in determination, I started making a list of things for which I am thankful.  You may have seen it on my Facebook status.  I soon realized there were more things that I could ever mention in a Facebook status.  So, I just listed the most immediate.

There is always more sunshine than rain in my life.  Yet, sometimes it's so tempting to focus on the gloom.  God has blessed me with so much!  There are many, many people who have more to complain about than I do.  

So, here I sit.  Once again everyone is asleep, and I'm awake.  I know, though, that in a little while I will go in the check on my kids (as I do every night), and I will be so overwhelmed with love and thankfulness.  Their sleeping faces are so peaceful and perfect.  Then I will crawl into bed, and sleep or not, little critters will cuddle up with me.  A cat will lick my hands and purr so loudly that Derek may wake up.  How dare I ever want to complain?!  I have been given so much!

Isis loves her baby, Aria Grace

I know I harp on thankfulness.  It's the lesson I learn over and over.  It's important.  It's how I cope with the struggle of chronic pain and fatigue.  Fibromyalgia is a complicated disability.  It's more than a physical struggle.  I don't know how I would get through it without the love and support of my family.  As wonderful as they are, they can't fight the mental struggle for me.  Only God can help me there, and He does. He blesses me greatly, and doesn't let me forget it.  He is the source of joy.  He is the source of all good things.  God is good, all the time.

*When I say "today,"  I mean Thursday.  I haven't gone to bed yet, so to me it's still Thursday, even though the clock says it's very, very early on Friday.